What will People Think

One fateful afternoon shortly after I turned 17, I had market errands to run. Mum went to work and had outlined things for us to cook for lunch and dinner. It was my turn to go to market that day so I made the list and counted the money and arranged how I'll bargain to see if I'll have some change (w were allowed to own the change). However an issue came up. 

Since that morning, I'd been having this abdominal ache which I wished away, hoping it would resolve after some bowel movements in the white room. The ache kept worsening and I was tempted to ask one of my cousin's to help me run the errands so I could take her turn next time but I advised myself against it, saying that she won't understand and may think I'm feigning an illness (and of course I'd lose the change to her). Due to this, I couldn't leave for market in the morning hours which was our usual. I waited for some relief and once I got the slightest strength, I strode to the market which was a trekking distance from our home.

I went about my bargaining but just after I'd picked a few things, I got hooked on my abdomen whilst in the middle of the market. I could barely move, so I found a stall and requested for a seat. I explained to the woman who owned the stall how badly my belly hurt and how I still had more things to purchase and everyone at home depended on that shopping to eat that day. She advised that whatever be the case, I must return home and have someone else come to the market. We agreed that she finds me a bike man but after checking that it will be more difficult getting a bike man into the market, she encouraged me to walk to the bike park just beside her stall and I did. 

Another worry arose, how do I sit through the galloping on this bike as we rode home to inform my cousin's that I couldn't continue shopping. I wasn't even considering seeking medical attention, I wanted to first deliver on my unfilled assignment. As we galloped home, I miraculously saw one of my elder brother's car parked somewhere and I told the bike man to stop so that I can complete my journey on a safer moving van with less impact as my bowels were on fire at this time.

On sighting me, my brother's face was frantic, I didn't even know I looked that bad from the excruciating pain. He asked what it was and I explained, he asked if it was menstrual cramp and I said no. So he just said get in the car, we're heading straight to hospital. Hospital? It never even crossed my naive mind that I needed to be checked. I told him how I needed to reach home to give my cousin's the list and money to continue where I stopped but he refused even though home was closer than the hospital.

Lo and behold, on arriving the hospital, yours truly had point tenderness as well as rebound tenderness which I would later learn were signs of an inflamed appendix. I required a surgery. But how will I undergo an emergency surgery when none of my parents were home or aware. My brother called my dad immediately and told him and he drove the one hour plus bad road back from work that afternoon to come see what was wrong with his dear daughter. He sought a second opinion as he wasn't quite convinced. I for one was too perplexed to even say yes or no to a surgery that hot afternoon. The pain kept on anyway. We had a scan and a second examination by another doctor and the diagnosis was same but slightly different. Subacute appendicitis rather than acute he had said. Anyway, because we weren't deciding on the spot, I was given some medications to go home with. But by the next morning, my right lower abdomen even looked visibly soft to me as I couldn't dare touch it because of pain. 

On arriving home, I realised that somehow, everyone I worried about survived. Somehow they found something to lunch on and also got money to procure things for dinner, some of the few things I bought remained in the car trunk until I told them I'd also bought those. Of course when they didn't see me, they worried about my whereabouts as I wasn't supposed to stay that long but thanks goodness they found a way. I can't remember how it all happened but I think when dad arrived the hospital, my brother left for home and gave them the money I was with or so and I continued with my dad to seek the second opinion.

I had the surgery the next day and was better. This probably remains my worst pain experience in life. The moral of this my experience is that, if one doesn't speak up, one may die and people will still move on one way or the other without them. You'd think I learnt my lesson after this incident but no, I sometimes still act heroic, trying to shoulder pains so I don't appear overbearing to others, working when visibly down etc until I'm at breaking point and can't cope anymore. A lesson I learned recently which I'm still trying to work into my life is as seen in Rom 12:2. I need to renew my mind constantly to know what God will have me do per time and sometimes, His prescription may be rest and if I don't take it, my body may pack up. If I'm to study Christ's life well, He rested a lot, napping in between trips and encouraging his disciples to rest after their labour as seen in Mark 6:31.

I hope to learn not to think what others will think when I speak up about not running on 100% but rather channel my mind on what God will have me do per time. 

God's grace people of God.