Growing Up

Hey, it's been a while I wrote. I just picked up my screen to practice 😆. What do I hope to achieve? Let's see if I'd make any sense.

Growing up, I had a lot of teachers give me responsibilities to handle even though I wasn't the Class Monitor or Prefect. Somehow, these 'out of office roles' always found me and I guess they probably shaped me. I also battled low self-esteem and shyness.

I've always been a shy and quiet girl in the midst of unfamiliar grounds (timidity maybe), and this made my teachers not to notice me. As early as Nursery and Senior Kindergarten days, teachers would always pick their Prefects from huge physique and outspokenness of which I possessed none. But by middle of  each session, roles got swapped to an extent. They'd finally notice me, probably because the excellence I exuded was always top notch and couldn't compare to the official role bearers. If the teachers needed someone to send to get things done, they'd call on me.

 For Nursery days, I remember being the only Nursery 2 pupil called to join Nursery 3 graduation dance group. In Senior Kindergarten, I remember my teacher's older kids visiting our class and picking special interest in me. For example, we had a central pool of pencils. The girls took out a special one, sharpened and scraped the body and decicated it exclusively to me🤩. So I didn't have to struggle with the first come, first served rush when we needed to do some classwork.

In Grade 1, the same thing happened. First term, our teacher went on Maternity Leave so she didn't notice me. I also had troubles academically, as I found it difficult to adapt in the other classes we were distributed to during her Leave and I didn't make it to top 3 that term. By the time Mrs Kolodoye returned from her Leave, and we were back to our class, I flourished again. When Continuous Assessments were conducted, she discovered me again and trusted me with her Okpa meals on days the Class Monitor wasn't available to run the errands. My shyness and low self-esteem didn't improve one inch that year. I remember the day she gave us assignment to get stick counters and abacus or so. Mumsy being so dedicated to my assignments helped me get the counters sorted and taught me how to tie them up in 10s. We couldn't prepare an abacus so mum asked me to tell our teacher that I couldn't succeed with that one. Surprisingly, on getting to school the next day, no other pupil around me got counters, let alone an abacus. I was shy and felt stupid. By midday, the teacher still hadn't asked us for the assignment, so I threw them out the window into the bush behind our class. She finally asked few hours later🤦 and only one other person got a few sticks 🙅. I admitted to my crime and she asked me to go pick them up 🤦🤦🤦. I threw that thing away because of the two girls that sat around me that I was trying to belong to their clique. Like, they both felt I wasn't a staff kid and came from inside town so I wasn't in their class. Being foolish, I thought that by throwing away my counting sticks, I'd probably gel more with them. The summary of that our foolish friendship is that the ring leader Chidinma later abandoned Mary, after she got scald burns from hot water at home and was covered with GV most of the days. Chidinma dumped her and began hanging out with me and would ask me to accompany her to go visit her elder sister's class and would tell me to stay far away so her sister doesn't see me, as she may shout at me (🙆🙆🙆). 😄😄😄 What nonsense! The irony of the whole thing is that I was sought after by my teachers but I was here seeking approval of my peers.

In Grade 2G, Mrs Nwadike was expectional. She loved me so geninuely. I was her brightest and most sickly pupil. She once asked me if I was a Sickle Cell Anaemia patient. I was always sick and as such, I skipped classes alot. But with that kind of love, I still caught up, I never lagged behind for once and she didn't give any extra lessons. I equally faced another bullying from a boy. He couldn't wrap his head around why I should top the class always. He threatened me that his dad was a soldier and was going to beat me (for getting 100% always)😆😆. I was always scared in class, and funny enough, I never reported him. I only tried once but I didn't know what he would do. I lived in fear in that class, but the love and simplicity of the teacher made me never to be distracted academically. He once told me his dad was waiting for me at the field after school. I escaped. I'm sure he and his friends would have beat me up if I went. I finally reported him to my stronger female cousin Chidi, who almost beat him up one of the days. He later started cutting me some slacks😄.

By Grade 3, I was beginning to gain some self confidence. The young man traced me from his class to grade 3C during one break period. Nnenna who remained my classmate from 2G, whom he used to bully too, reported him to one of our class boys who came and either beat him up or threatened him and he never returned to disturb our peace. I wasn't the Class Monitor but I marked class scripts with mine as prototype 🤩. Mumsy laboured on my quantitative reasoning skills, and as such, I was really good and hardly got any questions wrong. Also, I remember being selected among the few pupils that paid one of us a condolence visit, and some other privileges too. My teacher wanted to be close to me but I didn't know how to utilize such opportunities then, I always shied away. My positions that session were 1-2-1, Emenike who was always on my neck came 1st in second term.

By Grade 4, my trail blazing skills were evident. But it was not a public thing as we didn't have Prize Giving Days, so we were local champions in our various classes. There was this other girl whom I heard was good in her class and I wished I'd be in the same class with her, so I can compete with her to know who was better. She had won in the Igbo Competition I participated in while in Grade 3. But I was shuffled to Grade 4A while she was in 4B. 

At the beginning of Grade 4 first term, our teacher Mr Ejike picked interest in two other students whom he had taught their elder siblings. On the day the Assistant Headmaster and Senior Classes Supervisor visited, Mr Ejike showed him their books as those to watch out for😏🙄, he didn't notice me. I was jealous and in my mind I only muttered that he'll see. At the end of 1st term, I came tops and his comment was Best Among Equals. I hardly forget things 😄. I remember mum visiting one time and he was asking her whose brains I got. By second term, I was marking our scripts again with my work as marking scheme. Mum laboured in my mathematics this year, as more complex works were coming up. Mr Ejike being the school Maths teacher wasn't sparing us. Mum taught me many principles from his assignments and these gave me an edge. Being in class was more of a revision. I was still shy and even though the teacher wanted to be close, I wasn't free to approach him. Dad had asked me to purchase Common Entrance Forms but I was too shy to speak up feeling it was odd and no one else in Grade 4 was doing it, until when Chuka Obi's mum (who was teaching another class) purchased the form for Chuka and I heard it, my eyes opened. It was also announced at the Assembly Ground that the deadline was close. I told Dad who asked me to go to the Assistant Head Master. The Assistant HM refused me the forms saying he will only consider those in Grade 6 who had no other option that I should relax and take it next year in Grade 5 since I came after the deadline. Dad didn't want to hear any of that and as such, went ahead and purchased Command Secondary School Entrance Forms for me. I took the exams, passed and left primary school 'prematurely'. Mr Ejike said he wasn't surprised when he heard I was leaving from Grade 4.

In Secondary School, similar trends with teachers continued though, competitions got tougher. Having joined them prematurely, I struggled through Junior Secondary. I remained timid.

In University, similar trends continued. Lecturers weren't close to their students as teachers were to their primary school class pupils, but in Med School, I finally began to utilize opportunities of getting close to my superiors. I still had some restrictions and I still shied away to some extent.

In work life, similar trends of playing roles off office surfaces from time to time too. And I'm still super shy.

So I'm done writing. I'm just practicing to write, I had nothing in mind that I wanted to achieve, but I learned a couple of things as I penned down the above. I have some advice and questions too:

Be close to your children and ask them frequently about school. With this, they will discuss bullying and the peer pressures they face. I was below 7 when I faced those. I don't even know why I didn't share it with mumsy. She was always available.

I'm seeing the kind of mum I should be o. My formation was largely born by my mum. Dad was willing to stretch me, his stretchings has really shaped me. 😇😇

Is there a way to discover child leaders and support them? 

Are competitions really healthy?

I see God as I see my teacher Mrs Kolodoye, who has given me an assignment but I end up throwing it away when I think it's not relevant, because I don't see others around me doing similar things. Also, Mrs Kolodoye approved of me, but I sought Chidinma And Mary's approval too. Often we can do this with God. Instead of seeking only His approval, we seek men's approval and men will force us to do unnecessary things like accompanying Chidinma to see her sister and being asked to stand afar off.😄

If you're a teacher, be close to your wards, you can help them navigate through life's challenges.

© Image